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I haven't blogged in forever and I hate that.

I've just had too many thoughts running around in my head and the chances of me capturing one of them and turning it into a neat and coherent blog were slim to none.

So here are some things that have been going on in my life lately and my scattered thoughts about them.

We finally moved out of Josh's grandma's basement and into our own apartment.

We love our little 2 bedroom apartment. It's so nice.

It's on the 3rd floor so it has these amazing vaulted ceilings, and hopefully running up and down 4 flights of stairs will help me in my fitness endeavors.

It is a newer apartment so the fixtures and everything are just nicer and not that 80's brass.

We also have a washer and dryer, which we haven't before. It's great not having to go downstairs or to the laundromat to wash clothes.

It kind of feels like we're newly married again and just getting out on our own.

It's crazy that we're going on 3 years of marriage already. That's so cliche, but seriously, I still don't feel like a married woman. Although I have been hanging clothes out on a clothesline lately since we have a back deck.

Josh cleans the house more than I do, I think. He also cleans behind me; like after I clean up, he'll come home and clean the right way.

I was always told by the married women that it would be the other way around. Turns out they were wrong about a lot of things.

We have been getting involved with our youth group at church.

They are some great kids and it's been fun.

I can tell Josh is just so happy to finally be back doing youth ministry, even though we're just youth sponsors now. It's been nice to be able to help out and be a part of it without being the ones totally in charge of everything.

We both got baptized on Easter.

Josh had been baptized as a baby and I had never been baptized, and since it is something that Jesus commanded we figured better late than never.

It was a really cool experience, we love our pastor and church family so it was great being able to share that with them.

Those are the big things.

I'm looking for another job, I think I'm done with childcare for now. My current nanny job is going to be ending in the fall and I do not like that job at all so I'm ready to get out of there ASAP.

I am looking at some hospital jobs, like a patient care tech or CNA type of job.

I would love to work in the ER and have applied for a couple jobs like that, so we'll see. I hope something comes together soon.

I've been working out at the gym pretty consistently. Not frequently, just consistently. Not really any results yet, but hopefully soon. I need that positive motivation rather than the negative which I'm working off of now.

Josh has had a lot of exciting stuff going on at work, he's really good at his job and I'm always so happy for him that he has a job that he loves. Sometimes I'm intimidated by the fact that he has so many things that he enjoys and is good at; useful things too. I mean I enjoy lots of things and I am good at things too, but nothing that I really use. I just have yet to find my niche. I'm still just a high school senior with no clue what I want to do or even could do.

And sometimes that's frustrating.

My mom always said she thought I like had ADD or some sort attention issues.

I think I might believe her. I'm just all over the place sometimes.

I mean I have like 6 tabs up right now and as I'm working so hard to write this blog I'm also scouring Craigslist and trying to make up something funny for Facebook and checking all my words on my favorite online thesaurus.

I think that's why I'll never be as good of a housekeeper as Josh, I run around from one thing to the next so I'll be cleaning all the rooms at once. It's ridiculous.

At the same time, though, I do get really frustrated when things are organized or planned.

I've discovered I'm such a planner. I hate when I don't plan my day or week or errands well. I function just fine when something is sprung on me, I love spontaneity, but if I get halfway through something and realize I wasted time or money or gas because I didn't think through it I get so mad.

Maybe it's because of my discursive, digressional, meandering nature that I need that structure.

So, next time you're like "Man, I sure wish Heidi would blog", now you know why I refrain.
It's hard for me to write for anyone else. I can only write for myself. It's how I process things.

I write to understand as much as to be understood. -Elie Weisel