"The most life-changing story you may ever tell is the story of your life change."
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
2 Corinthians 5:17
So in small groups (which I love) we have been having everyone give their "testimony" or story of what God has done for them. I haven't had my turn yet, but I've been thinking about it a lot.
"My story isn't even a story," was my initial thought, "There's nothing to tell."
But there is.
My story, which isn't my story at all, is nothing sensational or radical - but at the same time, any story of God's grace is nothing short of radical.
I was raised in a Christian home and for that I will forever be grateful. I had loving parents (and still do) who taught me about loving a loving God. Throughout my childhood I was crazy in love with Jesus. I thought He was so awesome and I poured myself into my relationship with Him. Around twelve, I realized that I didn't even remember asking Jesus into my heart and I started freaking out a little. My parents assured me that was ok, and that it was fine to talk to God about that and just reaffirm everything. Once those bellicose teen years hit I got really turned around. I fell in love with fun and having a good time. I got really confused and suddenly realized that I didn't want to be a Christian anymore. I prayed and felt absolutely nothing, and we all know that feelings are the most important thing at that age. I finally decided there was no reason to dance around it and pretend to hide it from God, so I told Him over and over, "I don't want to be a Christian anymore, I don't want You; but I want to want You." I felt so lost and everything felt so dark. I wondered if I would ever recover. How could I be a Christian when the essence of being a Christian is a relationship with God and I didn't feel like there was a relationship left? I felt like I lived a lifetime in that state, when in reality it was probably less than a year. I wandered and prayed and doubted. I felt like I had to do enough to get back to God, that I would never have what I had before unless I earned it. I had all these empty resolutions to do more of this or less of that so I could be a better Christian - or be a Christian at all.
I'm not going to try to label everything. I can't tell you of a lightning bolt moment when everything changed. I think it was bigger than that. It was a process of God revealing Himself to me and showing me who He really is. He helped me to continue praying and keeping those lines open even when I didn't feel anything. He kept chasing after me even when I was getting caught up in this life rather than being caught up in Him. I started falling back in love with Him, and it hasn't stopped. I have continually grown to love Him more and continually found out that that is what it's all about. God didn't save me out of drugs and prostitution so my story may not move anyone else, but the grace that found me is just as overwhelming and just as needed. I feel like I saw down a path that on my own I would have taken. I know what I would have become without Jesus.
I love Jesus so much. He is so good. He has rescued and changed me. He did everything it took to restore the relationship that I had broken. He is teaching me how to really love Him and how to love others the way He does. I'm growing in Him and I never want to stop.
