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I haven't blogged in forever and I hate that.

I've just had too many thoughts running around in my head and the chances of me capturing one of them and turning it into a neat and coherent blog were slim to none.

So here are some things that have been going on in my life lately and my scattered thoughts about them.

We finally moved out of Josh's grandma's basement and into our own apartment.

We love our little 2 bedroom apartment. It's so nice.

It's on the 3rd floor so it has these amazing vaulted ceilings, and hopefully running up and down 4 flights of stairs will help me in my fitness endeavors.

It is a newer apartment so the fixtures and everything are just nicer and not that 80's brass.

We also have a washer and dryer, which we haven't before. It's great not having to go downstairs or to the laundromat to wash clothes.

It kind of feels like we're newly married again and just getting out on our own.

It's crazy that we're going on 3 years of marriage already. That's so cliche, but seriously, I still don't feel like a married woman. Although I have been hanging clothes out on a clothesline lately since we have a back deck.

Josh cleans the house more than I do, I think. He also cleans behind me; like after I clean up, he'll come home and clean the right way.

I was always told by the married women that it would be the other way around. Turns out they were wrong about a lot of things.

We have been getting involved with our youth group at church.

They are some great kids and it's been fun.

I can tell Josh is just so happy to finally be back doing youth ministry, even though we're just youth sponsors now. It's been nice to be able to help out and be a part of it without being the ones totally in charge of everything.

We both got baptized on Easter.

Josh had been baptized as a baby and I had never been baptized, and since it is something that Jesus commanded we figured better late than never.

It was a really cool experience, we love our pastor and church family so it was great being able to share that with them.

Those are the big things.

I'm looking for another job, I think I'm done with childcare for now. My current nanny job is going to be ending in the fall and I do not like that job at all so I'm ready to get out of there ASAP.

I am looking at some hospital jobs, like a patient care tech or CNA type of job.

I would love to work in the ER and have applied for a couple jobs like that, so we'll see. I hope something comes together soon.

I've been working out at the gym pretty consistently. Not frequently, just consistently. Not really any results yet, but hopefully soon. I need that positive motivation rather than the negative which I'm working off of now.

Josh has had a lot of exciting stuff going on at work, he's really good at his job and I'm always so happy for him that he has a job that he loves. Sometimes I'm intimidated by the fact that he has so many things that he enjoys and is good at; useful things too. I mean I enjoy lots of things and I am good at things too, but nothing that I really use. I just have yet to find my niche. I'm still just a high school senior with no clue what I want to do or even could do.

And sometimes that's frustrating.

My mom always said she thought I like had ADD or some sort attention issues.

I think I might believe her. I'm just all over the place sometimes.

I mean I have like 6 tabs up right now and as I'm working so hard to write this blog I'm also scouring Craigslist and trying to make up something funny for Facebook and checking all my words on my favorite online thesaurus.

I think that's why I'll never be as good of a housekeeper as Josh, I run around from one thing to the next so I'll be cleaning all the rooms at once. It's ridiculous.

At the same time, though, I do get really frustrated when things are organized or planned.

I've discovered I'm such a planner. I hate when I don't plan my day or week or errands well. I function just fine when something is sprung on me, I love spontaneity, but if I get halfway through something and realize I wasted time or money or gas because I didn't think through it I get so mad.

Maybe it's because of my discursive, digressional, meandering nature that I need that structure.

So, next time you're like "Man, I sure wish Heidi would blog", now you know why I refrain.
It's hard for me to write for anyone else. I can only write for myself. It's how I process things.

I write to understand as much as to be understood. -Elie Weisel

This and That

So we are finally moving into an apartment. Sometime the first of March. Which is coming up very quickly.

Yay!

I'm pretty psyched.

Josh started back to school (online) to finish up his youth ministry degree.

There was a mix-up in the school office and he got really behind the first few weeks, but he's been working really hard to get caught up and I couldn't be more proud of him.

We became members at our church (New Life Church of the Nazarene) and that is really exciting.

I've never been a church member before but it is important to be show your commitment and involvement in church, and that you aren't there to sit on the sidelines. That's what I wanted to do - be a part of the church.

I have been listening to a lot of weird music lately; artists that you don't usually hear on the radio.

Like this guy:

William Fitzsimmons

Pretty cool.

Also:

He is We, Brooke Fraser, Audrey Assad, and Andrew Belle. I also saw Rend Collective Experiment in concert and really like them.

Speaking of the concert, that was Josh's Valentine's gift. A roadtrip to see his cousin (genetic half-brother since their moms are twins), Nick, with our buddy, Jeff, and to go to The Rock and Worship Roadshow.

It was a really good concert despite Sidewalk Prophets and MercyMe.

Tenth Avenue North was amazing.

One of my all time favorite bands.

I've never been a big Lecrae fan but he had really good music, he seemed very sincere and was continually pointing the focus to Christ rather than himself.

I respect that a lot.

Hawk Nelson, Disciple, and Rend Collective experiment were fun.

We had a great time with Jeff and Nick.

We spent all night after the concert just hanging out on the town.

Anyway, so that's what is up in our lives.

Christmastime

Christmas 2011

It was probably one of my favorite Christmases so far.

It would take forever to try to tell everything so here are some of my favorite things.

CD

The David Crowder Band Oh For Joy CD

Gifts

Josh's dad got us a really nice TV which is awesome because our 25" box TV is annoying as could be.

My mom paid for us to go snowboarding, she also got us some really nice sheets, and a gift card to H&M, where I bought a beautiful coat.

Sarah got me a really hot grey pencil skirt. (H&M)

Caleb sent us girls beanies that his friend made, they're pretty rad.

Josh's mom gave us gift cards, and I love gift cards.

Josh gave me Toms, and an Xbox game (which is funny because I sold the Xbox to buy Josh a PS3), and an iPod dock.

And my favorite gift was the PS3 I got for Josh. :)

Yes, every year I overspend on Josh because I love his ridiculous cute reactions.

Pictures

Brothers

Christmas with Josh's mom

Josh's brother and sister, Matt and Jordan, went to Ohio with us for Christmas with my family.

It was really fun.

We all went snowboarding, which was also super fun. : )

My sisters look so cool.

This is the fun group. Paul Pilmore gave Matt some snowboarding tips that really helped him out.

Opening presents at the Wegener house is always chaos.

Josh was definitely the best entertainment all week. He loved Jordan, and all his gifts.

We went shopping, of course, for hours and hours.

I think Jordan kind of looks like me and my sisters.

There were 5 of us girls, plus Will, Josh, and Matt. We kind of invaded the mall.

Jordan wanted to borrow our clothes, I think she turned out pretty cute. :)

Josh and his beard

We played a lot of board games.

And a lot of Words by Post and other games on our iPods and phones.

One of the many reasons I love my husband.

Yeah. Christmas was pretty great.

I had so much fun with all of my many families.

Every Christmas I'm afraid that I've heard the story of Jesus too many times and that it won't touch me the same way it has in years past, or that I won't learn anything new from it.

But every year, there is another part of the mystery of grace that astounds me.

Every year I am amazed that God came to be with us.

Every year I realize that my relationship with Christ will never get old.

And that makes every Christmas amazing.

Thiving Ganks

I know I’m a bit late, but if the retail world can make a weekend of sales and shopping then I can make a weekend of Thanksgiving right?

So Josh and I laugh at the people who every year are like, “WHAT?! I can’t believe Walmart had Christmas stuff out already!” As if it’s coming out sooner every year or something. They probably went in to a conniption last year too. They almost make it a religious thing. Those are probably the same people that complain about Christmas being so much bigger of a holiday than Thanksgiving and say that we don’t even get to celebrate Thanksgiving because of Christmas.

Actually we do get to celebrate Thanksgiving because of Christmas. Without Christmas, Thanksgiving would be meaningless.

So since I was one the unholy people on Facebook who didn’t do the “Day __ I’m thankful for” thing, here’s my list. Because I am thankful.

For Christmas and the beautiful hope of which it reminds us and for the amazing relationship we have with Jesus because He came.

For Josh, because he is the most important person to me. I love him so much and he is just what I need.

For a family that pointed me to God in the beginning and continues to encourage me in my walk with God.

For music because it makes life so much fuller

For the ability to read, think, reason, and learn.

For relationships

For beautiful clothes because I love them so

For in-laws that I like

For food….so good

For movies

For all the extra pleasures in life and the wants that God supplies us.

For personality and expression

For humor and laughter

For the fact that list could go on and on and on...

For the fact that this list could list only ‘Jesus’ and still be just as complete

Grace Like An Avalanche

"The most life-changing story you may ever tell is the story of your life change."

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

So in small groups (which I love) we have been having everyone give their "testimony" or story of what God has done for them. I haven't had my turn yet, but I've been thinking about it a lot.

"My story isn't even a story," was my initial thought, "There's nothing to tell."

But there is.

My story, which isn't my story at all, is nothing sensational or radical - but at the same time, any story of God's grace is nothing short of radical.

I was raised in a Christian home and for that I will forever be grateful. I had loving parents (and still do) who taught me about loving a loving God. Throughout my childhood I was crazy in love with Jesus. I thought He was so awesome and I poured myself into my relationship with Him. Around twelve, I realized that I didn't even remember asking Jesus into my heart and I started freaking out a little. My parents assured me that was ok, and that it was fine to talk to God about that and just reaffirm everything. Once those bellicose teen years hit I got really turned around. I fell in love with fun and having a good time. I got really confused and suddenly realized that I didn't want to be a Christian anymore. I prayed and felt absolutely nothing, and we all know that feelings are the most important thing at that age. I finally decided there was no reason to dance around it and pretend to hide it from God, so I told Him over and over, "I don't want to be a Christian anymore, I don't want You; but I want to want You." I felt so lost and everything felt so dark. I wondered if I would ever recover. How could I be a Christian when the essence of being a Christian is a relationship with God and I didn't feel like there was a relationship left? I felt like I lived a lifetime in that state, when in reality it was probably less than a year. I wandered and prayed and doubted. I felt like I had to do enough to get back to God, that I would never have what I had before unless I earned it. I had all these empty resolutions to do more of this or less of that so I could be a better Christian - or be a Christian at all.

I'm not going to try to label everything. I can't tell you of a lightning bolt moment when everything changed. I think it was bigger than that. It was a process of God revealing Himself to me and showing me who He really is. He helped me to continue praying and keeping those lines open even when I didn't feel anything. He kept chasing after me even when I was getting caught up in this life rather than being caught up in Him. I started falling back in love with Him, and it hasn't stopped. I have continually grown to love Him more and continually found out that that is what it's all about. God didn't save me out of drugs and prostitution so my story may not move anyone else, but the grace that found me is just as overwhelming and just as needed. I feel like I saw down a path that on my own I would have taken. I know what I would have become without Jesus.

I love Jesus so much. He is so good. He has rescued and changed me. He did everything it took to restore the relationship that I had broken. He is teaching me how to really love Him and how to love others the way He does. I'm growing in Him and I never want to stop.

Stories

So Reader's Digest (yes, I am an old woman) is having a contest of short, life stories. Basically, they can be about anything but have to be 150 words or less, which is difficult. So I'm entering some for fun. Enjoy.

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  First and Last Love

  
  

  He was the first boy I ever loved. He was perfect and we got a long so well. I wanted to spend my life with him. A week before my 18^th birthday he received my dad’s permission and asked me out. We were crazy for each other. We lived 400 miles apart and would drive it whenever we could to spend a few days together. We enjoyed the same music and activities, had the same sense of humor, and held the same beliefs. Our relationship was simple and we were best friends. We dated for almost two years before its dramatic end on a beautiful September day. With a kiss and an “I do”, my first love became my last. He is the only man I’ve ever loved. He is perfect and we get along so well. I am excited to spend the rest of my life with him.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  (No Title Yet. Suggestions Welcome)

  
  

  My family consists of five boys, five girls, and two parents. We are one of the few families in America with 2 Down Syndrome children and we wouldn’t be the same without them. Mary Kate and Joshua have tried everyone’s patience. Between the two of them they have driven our 15-passenger van into the side of our house, driven the Little Tikes car into the highway, thrown our pet rabbit into the fireplace, and sneaked onto the roof-peak to play. Despite their escapades, we fell in love with them. They fill our lives with life and the extra care that they require is nothing compared to the love that they give. They have dealt with health problems including Type 1 diabetes and heart defects, yet the innocent joy they find in life is unmatched. My siblings will probably not live long lives, but they will live full, happy lives.

Sometimes

Towards the weekend

I get so excited for church on Sunday